Dating Tip# 4 - Conversation, or How to Put the "Witty" in your Repartee

Human beings are social creatures by nature. We love to talk, about our interests, our thoughts, ourselves. We thrive on an exchange of thoughts and ideas, wanting to perpetuate these ideas and share them with as many people as possible. It's easy to get someone to start talking about themselves or things they believe in.

But conversation, like a relationship, is a two way exchange. One-sided conversations aren't very fun, and it's important to pay attention to those little cues in a conversation that indicate that you've lost your audience.

Keep Your Conversation Topical

I see this one time and time again. I'll be having a conversation with a guy - and we'll be talking about something really interesting - chemistry, or books, or games - and he'll suddenly turn the conversation to sex or my breasts or something completely off topic. At that point it feels like he's not interested in me, but interested instead in my body or just getting some. I cannot tell you how BORING that is. Even if I was interested in the man in the first place, derailing my conversation from the interesting to the wanton totally cuts that interest.

There are ways to gauge when the right moment is to drop those sort of subtle, sensual hints. And sometimes, it's okay to be brazen and open - but if you're going to do that, do it from the begining - and those sort of hookups rarely last beyond one nigh. This advice is intended for more for long term relationships - or just getting your foot in the door. When you do want to lead a conversation in that direction, it's important to let things move in a natural direction. Don't force a conversation into sensual, as forcing it tends to ruin the intended effect. Start small. If your partner seems interested, take it further. If not, let it drop.

Are They Really Interested?

Now, there are several cues to tell if the person you're talking to is really into you. Maintaining eye contact is important - if they're genuinely interested, they'll keep looking at you. People who aren't really interested tend to have eyes that wander, or focus on a single thing and glaze over. They also won't have any real response - instead, they'll nod and make noncommittal responses (Yeah, uh huh, of course). People who are interested lean in; people who are disinterested lean back, and people who aren't interested cross their arms over their chest in a defensive pose. If they're interested, they won't use breaks in the conversation to change the subject or keep checking their watches or cellphones.

Know Your Audience

Be prepared to discuss a variety of topics, and also be prepared to let the other person control the flow of a conversation. Try to get an idea of what the other person's likes or interests are, and direct the conversation on that course. For example; I'm one of those girls who likes games - which is easy for most guys to talk about. I'm not a hardcore gamer, but I can usually manage to hold my own in conversations like that. But gaming isn't all I do and it isn't something I want to talk about all the time. I also stay up on current affairs and I love to cook, which are two things I can really talk about for extended periods of time, but I wouldn't subject the average guy I met to a discussion on baking techniques unless I knew he was really into it as well. Most people have some level of common ground somewhere.

Important topics to stay away from up front - Religion and Politics! These are two very hotbutton issues with people, and should definitely be discussed, but only when both people are very comfortable with each other and can stand to be a little offended. It's easy to talk about both of them because people tend to be very passionate about them, but you never really know who you're going to offend by what you say with them so it's best to play safe until you have a better idea.

Of course, religion and politics can be dealbreakers, so you want to make sure that you discuss things before they get too far. But while you're getting to know someone, it's best to stick to safer topics.

Be Prepared - To Listen

Don't talk at people. That's a quick turn off for most people, and what makes people tune out the fastest, where someone drones on and on and never lets someone get the word in edgewise. Try to keep your answers brief, but informative, and don't dither. Remember, brevity is the soul of wit, and I'd much rather hear a quick, quippy comment than some long droning statement that takes twenty words to say what can be said in ten. Most people are too polite to point out when you're talking at them, so be alert for this common pitfall that can turn people off.

Give the other person a chance to talk too - even if you're not that interested in what they're talking about, be polite enough to hear them out, and you may be surprised at what you learn. Don't try to change the subject on someone, and try to let a conversation flow naturally from one point to another. If you're reminded of another anecdote, let them finish before going off on your own tangent - you'll win more points for listening than for dominating the conversation.

Dating Tip# 3 - Hygiene - Or, Cleanliness is Next to Sexiness

Please, please, please.

Please.

For all that is wonderful and important, please bathe before you try to pick someone up. Take a shower, use soap, wash your hair, put on some smell-um-good. Wear clean clothes, comb your hair, brush your teeth. Make yourself presentable.

I can't tell you the number of guys I've passed on because they didn't look clean enough, or they smelled wrong. Now for some people, there are certain inescapable physical qualities that put them at a disadvantage - and so those people will have to make up in other areas - but at least make the effort of cleaning yourself up.

Helpful Hint - Find a perfume/cologne/bodyspray that works right for you and smells good on you, and keep a small bottle of it in your car or purse for emergencies.

Smell is SEXY. A man who's good looking will get my attention, but a man who smells good will turn my head. I'll take time to approach a man if he smells right. Don't underestimate this. It's simple, it's easy, and it doesn't take any particular time or effort.

DON'T overdo it. Two sprays should be plenty. Spray it either over your head and let it fall on you, or spray it before you and walk into it. Don't rub it on you either - that dampens the smell. Let it fall and integrate naturally with your own body odor (and everyone has body odor, and sometimes that alone is a sexy thing, but you have to be really, really intimate to catch the smell, and I'm not one for randomly smelling strangers).

Now, there is a school of thought that advises you go all out every time you walk out the door - perfectly clean and ironed clothes, hair and makeup done, blasting the cologne. If you do that, then that's fine, really, whatever works for you - but I get plenty of attention in jeans and flip-flops, with my hair loose or in a ponytail. If he's not interested in me when I'm chilling out in comfortable clothes, then I don't need him that bad.

Important, Important, Important!

Do NOT neglect your smile. Brush your teeth. Use breath mints. Smile, Smile, Smile! Cultivate a good smile and laugh - that gets them every time (and yes, it is possible to actually cultivate both). In attracting our potential mates, we do a lot of talking, and ideally, we'll spend a lot of time watching each other's mouths. Show your teeth - it suggests openness and approachability, and let your smile reach your eyes - let them crinkle a bit around the edges - that suggests humor. Your teeth don't have to be perfectly white but your breath must not smell horrible. Keep breathmints or breath strips on hand. And laugh! Don't be afraid to laugh at jokes - but be genuine when you are laughing - people can usually pick up on when someone's laughing just to humor them.

Dating Tip# 2 - No Means No - Or, How to Take a Hint

So you've got your confidence together, and you walk up to your catch of the day, and you ask her out.

Only to get shot down horribly. Or perhaps politely. Or even just a wishy-washy "maybe some other time."

Don't sweat it. Even if you've built this person up in your mind and rationalized all the ways that they're absolutely perfect for you, understand that that idealized person is not the person you've asked out. Relationships, by their very nature, are multi-person ventures. Fantasies are very one-sided, and it's very easy to let that fantasy get in the way of the reality of the situation. Don't do that.

Accept that the other person has rights and feelings too, and they may not be that into you - and that's Okay! While there's something to be said for persistence, if you keep asking over and over again and you're consistently getting a "no", then maybe you should let it go.

A lot of people fear the "friendzone"; where the ones who didn't make their move fast enough end up. But the truth is, a lot of people are doomed to the "friendzone" from the beginning. It is possible to get out of the friendzone, but it takes change on a massive level from one or both parties. You can't get out of the friendzone so long as you're in the same mindset you were in when you entered it. Don't count on this happening - even though it does, on rare occasions, and those romances are wonderful things - as it can really ruin a good friendship. And a lot of times, that's more important, keeping a long-term bond rather than lose it over something so intransient as dating.

Treasure the friendships that you have - and don't rely on them to become something more. Instead, if you do get relegated to that friendzone, find out if your interest has friends with similar interests that might also be single. While you may not be going out with the one you originally wanted, you might find someone similar with some of the same features you found appealing - or perhaps newer, different ones.

You never know.

Dating Tip# 1 - Confidence - Fortune Favors the Bold

So, there are woes in the dating community. Men don't know what women want, women don't know what men want, and there's all sorts of confusion on how to net your catch of the day. I've decided I'm going to throw out bits of advice for those of you out there on what particularly works for me; this may not apply across the board but I'm hoping these few tips will help you out.

Beyond anything out there, confidence is supremely important. You have to be confident in yourself if you're going to get anywhere. I would much rather go out with a guy who's got the self confidence to ask me out than one who hems and haws at the fringe of my friendzone for months before making his move.

It doesn't take long for women to make their decisions about whether or not they'd want to go out with a guy - and while we will occasionally sample from the friendzone pool, we're more interested in the stranger that we don't know who's bold enough to ask us out.

It's sexy, it's intriguing. I'm more likely to go out with the guy who says "Go out with me," than I am to go out with the guy who asks "Will you please go out with me." It's not a manners thing - the question is implied - and you can cover social interaction on the date. It's the assertion that you will take me out and we will have a good time. It's like a guarantee. I don't want maybe, I want certainty.

I'm not against guys who are polite - to be completely honest, I'll go out with anyone who asks, because I'm that sort of curious person. It may not lead anywhere but I'll give you a shot. But you're more likely to get my attention by being confident and grabbing it than you will waiting around for me to look your way.